Sometimes...I just have to let go of the paranoia. The fear that everyones going to leave me in life. Its been about a year, maybe two that things went from a downhill slide...to an uphill slope. Going from finding friends that are major bad influences, and hanging with people not because I was drawn to their troubles...but to respect and get to know people from kindness. I have to realize that people don't say things to hurt or harm anymore..that real people are not like those fake ones. Realizing that not everyone around is bsing you...and realizing who is, and to give everyone else the benefit of the doubt until you know them. Its hard...to get that mindset, get out of the mindset that everyone is 'to good to be true' and realize that some people...are just good. I have a false belief that everyone is just trying to escape me..that total abandonment is in my future with my friends. Simply because of that large cluster of people that have done so.
I have to be positive...I have to feed myself new omens. I have to not expect everyone to walk away so they don't.
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