Pull back the label on that coffee creamer, yeah that one

So I gave up coffee creamer several months ago. At the time, I just wanted to decrease sugar but I had consistent dizzy spells and this horrible stomach ache that is usually brought on by what I thought was stress. (Correlation isn't always causation). I figured it was all the drama going on with, well a guy.... on top of regular everyday work stuff that is overwhelming.
Well, my coworker had brought me a coconut one, knowing it was one of my favorites.
Today, after staring at it in the fridge. I didn't want to be rude (and I just really missed coconut cream coffee creamer!) I had some in this mornings Joe for the first time in months.
I got home a couple hours later, and that old familiar dizzy spell was back. I hadn't had it in months, I also got that weird stomach ache back-realized I hadn't felt that in a while too.
I'm usually not sensitive to artificial stuff because I'm used to having it semi regularly-but for whatever reason, maybe the soy and well PRESERVATIVES since most of them are non dairy- it was amazing the physical affects that I immediately felt.
The other thing I noticed (and didn't lose in one day) was my ability to focus a lot better and how much that has improved.

It was weird. I drank it every day for many months maybe even a few years. I didn't have those symptoms until shortly before I stopped drinking it, and then I felt them almost immediately when I started back up.

So, black it is.

Dark side

I wonder in life: does everybody have a dark side?
I know I do, I cant live in denial about it. I never wish or cause harm to anyone, my dark side is purely apathy. Times when I know I should care and I just can't bring myself to do it. Times I know I should feel empathy, but I just can't feel it.

It seems like most people I have gotten close to have a very similar darker side of some kind, which raises the question: does everybody have a mild dark side?

This box

This box is empty, yes?

This box is going to be full. Then there's going to be MANY MORE.

Well, my cat isn't going anywhere he's just a ham.

Ive struggled for years with being a packrat. A lot of people compare it to that TLC show "hoarders" in conversation, well... no. Us pack rats find that show kind of racist against, well.....all other pack rats.

My "hoard" of stuff is clean as can be, its simply one bedroom, NO rats or bugs or cat poop or piss, no trash or pizza boxes, just a bunch of stuff.

Usable, mind consuming, cluttering stuff. I'm a nice person, people bring me nice things. I love reading, watching movies, pop culture, buying random shit but NO MORE.

It needs to stop. I need space in my life. Space is positive change. It gives me room to start my advertising business in full swing and it gives me space to create, paint, draw, use charcoals and do things I do now withclutkterr and hassle. Things that stifle my mind and raise my hostility. Things that create a tension inside of me. I need to meditate MORE and for once in my own home, and relax. I need to breathe while I'm still youthful.

So I need less stuff, 2/3 less.

Now I've gotten some boxes out of here, I have. But in a small room its a minor minor dent, so I'll need several of these filled to the brim of clothes, books, Jesus only knows what else.

I can't get attached to stuff. I need to just stay attached to animals, nature, and people but stuff is dispensable and I need to accept that.

It is then, with empty space, that I can grow.

I'll miss my youth one day and I deserve the blessing of space, but I won't miss all of this stuff.

The little things

5.20.15

Sometimes in life, you just have to focus on the little things to get you through the day. Cliche yes? But this seems to work. So here goes: no order, just listing and certainly not everything.

If you take on this challenge, do at least 15 to 20 on your list.

So here's today's list:

*the little handsome dude that rambles on about "THAT ONE GAME" when you walk in the door.

*the dog that politely puts her paw on your chest when you address a question, the big blonde one that can't keep his tongue off of your face, or the two or three littles that wiggle into your lap when you slide down to the floor.

*fucking netflix

*those moments of laughter even in the most stressful of environments.

*oh and those little moments of laughter over there too.

*and those.

*a salty basket of fries and the cheeseburger without the lettuce and the ketchup.

*hand out the window while driving

*the outer dog that tries to imitate human noises.

*the "big boned" lap cat on the back of the chair

*stories in the morning from Ma, from both news sources and personal stories.

*waking up to pounding noises and finding out its the inquisitive parakeet and his little brother.

*Spotify premium

*sibling texts that are based in humor and advice

*all of the regulars at the stores and the inside jokes that occur with them.

*baby pictures from my best friend and our long conversations.

Life is gorgeous, everything else is just irrelevant.

Love is worth, everything we want it to be.

Oh my gosh, she's 22 and dating a 40 year old.

He's 18 and dating a 50 year old.

Like the institute of blended families, polygamy, and gay marriage: these moments are becoming more common.

Yet, they are still vastly socially unacceptable, why is this?

Well, in situations such as gay marriage, up until a few years ago and still in many states: the law stopped this from happening.

Polygamy is facing a similar factor. Both stem from (outrageous or not) religious beliefs. So where does age play into that?

It doesn't.
It gets grouped and stereotyped.

If the male is older, we see this as a predatory situation. Or that the female involved has Daddy issues.

Nobody sees the girl who's attached to a different generation because she feels as if hers is broken. Maybe she doesn't fit into the generation she was born into, and can see the sophistication behind the older male that others her age don't. As for him, he's desperate to hold onto his youth.

Terrible isn't it?
No, it's not your business.

Love is love. Before we are the age we currently are, we all have individual personalities and ideas on life.

It's a beautiful thing. Individuality.

It's like walking into a rose garden and cutting the stems that appeal to you instead of cutting stems of all the same shapes and sizes.

Some people will want round, full sophisticated roses and some will want young, fresh vibrant buds.

As long as both parties completely consent, who are we to judge anyways?

Happy 64th anniversary!

64 years ago today, a man sat down with a dream.
He sketched and drew, created characters who were a combination of: wise owls, piano players, funny dogs, dirty people with good souls, little brats, and control freaks.

The best part?
He had nothing but his pens, his paper, and his imagination.

64 years later, the man has passed away and his legacy and characters still live on in the lives of Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Sally, Pigpen, Peppermint Patty, Schroder and Joe Cool.

They are on tv, in plush toys, the theme of the Knotts Berry Farm themepark, and people wear them.

Happy Anniversary Peanuts.

Little Old Man

Little old man
You feel so cold
When people see you, all they think is you're old.

The light in your eyes
They cannot see
They do not know you were once a man with glee.

Little old man
Thin and frail
You're just a featherweight when you get on that scale.

Little old man
Who's heart is pure
Who's love is silent
It's the end we're sure.

Little old man...
Who lives in solitude

But not anymore.