Nervous about my future.

I have been a caregiver for about a year and a half to two years now. Where I like it, I also..do not. Saying "I do not like to be a caregiver" in those words, probably makes me sound extremely insensitive. I just feel like ,it is not the job for me. Where I care about people, I make sure they are in good spirits, well cleaned up while respecting their diginity and boundaries to the best of their needs and my limits, its not the job for me. I should be in an environment with various chances to socialize with many people. The opportunity for my life to go in a direction that suits me a little better sounds like something I need to strive for. Even if its target night freight, with animals, my calling is not where I am. My spirit keeps telling me it is time to move on. So here I am, applying and applying. Planning on keeping caregiving on the side (im down to one client and a few more subs I am close too). I do want some other job, to make more money and do something a little more in my natural realm. So its back too this little short complied list of things that I am going to conduct. I give you: A. Nodding off on my computer while listening to Elton John and a half written app in front of me. B. Awkward interviews C. Lack of self motivation to complete those applications. D. The "friend connect" I always start up (texting everyone looking for work who is hiring). E.Attempts of not sounding too cocky or too self-conscious on the questionnaires F. We all know what F stands for...that 4 letter word exclaimed after a few days go by and no one has called back your name on a job :) G. What is a ligitimate job offer..and what is not. What kind of struggles do you have with applying for jobs and landing them?

To Eddie:

We've never met before, but I can see your eyes so deep. As you follow me around, and before you go to sleep. You'll carry a security plush, and look to me for approval. I'll probably scrub your scruffy head and call you a little noodle. One day ill get to meet you, tho now your just an egg. I'll discipline you properly and teach you not to beg. Often I dream about, my own child to hold. Who I can hand a fleece blanket too when you feel so cold. Who I can tuck inside your bed, and gently kiss your beautiful head. Then when I lay myself down for the night, ill pray to God all holy that you'll grow up alright :)

The Big C.

College. a place for..pizza eaters, beer drinkers, students that have a career in mind..and now..me as well. Im excited..really. I filled out my first of many fourms..and I feel like..this huge thing is going to hit me, actually happening in front of my eyes. So far..id like to major in Journalism, and minor in business. Business will open up my opportunities too : make my own publication company (as in newspaper or real online blogging system where me and other writers join forces to entertain). Start my food cart ive been dreaming of for years, switch it all over and get into advertising..or. The skies the limits. i feel like..I picked JUST THE RIGHT major/minor..it just did not f ully hit me til now. So like a ton of bricks..I got my ass in gear, got motivated, and here I am talking of my adventures. FAFSA: Check. now..to apply myself in simple things like putting my shoes away...anotha story!

my confession poem to being an app addict :)

I decided to get online..and click a button that says play. Then all of a sudden, my mind was corrupt by this app everyday. I could not stop the clicking, my mouse was even sticking. but as i collected points and coins, and the computer went boinga boing. I realized I had a problem. Yet as I type this poem, I realized uh no uhhm? I forgot to upgrade my convenience store...I feel like an app whore! Im stuck on button after button ,of useless app and mutton. I could make better use of my time, says the person writing this corny rhyme. but its back to..simcity.

Finding inspiration one page at a time

Last night I was semi productive, ive missed writing. Its like, an old flame coming alive again in my heart. It has been very lonely without that piece of my life. Granted, ive set it aside for other things, but its still a very active part of me. I had a kick where I was browsing those cute little urban overly-advertised riddled magazines. For Seattle, one of the many is city art. Tho that is more classy then Portland's Mercury magazine. They are free, you can usually find them at the ends of stores and artsy fartsy hallways, and they are always full of bands and little quips. Some of those posses very interesting articles that really like to grab a hold of my eye and make me laugh out loud. They also help me feel for a cause that I otherwise had never noticed. Basically, its often the kind of writing I strive for. A kind of humor, that might seem a little twisted. Yet, it grabs the readers eye in such a way, you do not want to put the piece of writing down. So I started snipping, anything to save my writers block curse. For a while now, tho ive just been satisfied with my pieces. I cannot say that I have been proud of them, they have not turned out in a way that I have intended for them. Even the piece I am writing, its so far deeming itself as decent, but I do not have the same self pride for the pieces of writing that I once possessed. Anyways, I used an old photo album that my Mom and Dad gave my sister. She was going to get rid of it, I was surprised seeing as it was signed "Mom and Dad" (my father has been gone for several years). I figured taking it was a sign. Its a really basic scrap book style single paged album, and im convinced that I will put various things in there to inspire me to want to write more, go to more shows. Printing businesses. There is a map of Portland art galleries (I am not familiar b ut would like to be) and find that part of me I let slip between the cracks as life runs away. Well see, on those days I feel less inspired or struggle mentally in creating what I conduct in my head. On those days I feel a little lost but want to create, i will open it up and hope that something that I found in the past will help kick me in the right direction. Until then, ill just keep writing these boring articles, looking for myself in each word. Maybe I should give poetry a try, but I sure do miss the wildfire, free style writing and the ability to write a decent article. Lets see.

Summertime activities to do with children.

Im lucky enough to spend the summer with one of my nephews this year, lets hope it is going to be a blast! Here are some random summer activities we have decided we want to do together: build a go kart with the bike tires (i have two old ones, getting new ones for my bmx and needing two more) he wants a breaking system :) customizable bingo, with his fav characters and ten boards so his friends can play. make out of styrofoam board and pieces too customizable search and make other mario crafts including: make styrofoam character center pieces (like on instructables dot com) paint rocks, let him sell them for a dollar a piece when I go selling my art at different random bazarrs, fairs around town. different characters and silly and mean faces. get those little beads, and let him do coasters with them in 8 and 16 bit pixel characters from his favorite game. Get his fair entry ready, let him make a big project to enter. let him use my old digital camera and do his own stop motion or claymation video. waterbottle raft. cardboard fort out of old record sleeves, or make shelves out of them? OR outdoor fort out of wooden pallets. overhead projector design in his room, let him trace it onto his wall and paint it, or in bathroom too.

Broken laptop keyboards mean forced internet exiles

Back from my accidental internet exile! Well, I had a keyboard on my laptop break down. No big deal except: I promised to promote a bunch of other spray painters like myself on my art and photography page on facebook. So I was forced to flake in the middle of that, I was talking to my online friend and duck expert about an infection my duck has in her foot, so there I go flaking again. Its all gravy tho, it was kinda peaceful without the noise of my clicking keys. Evipparently, they want me to pay around 100 dollars to get my laptop fixed, wheras fred meyers has plug in keyboards for about thirteen dollars. Where I want to get my actual laptop fixed (portability for the win!). Ive decided that saving 77 dollars is the way to go for now since I decided to use my paycheck for groceries and bills and lots of boring adult things. So the advantage to having a movable keyboard is: that i can lay in bed without a warm laptop right in my face. The disadvantage, is that i have to bend over a lot to use the stylus on my computer, and bending over hurts the already bad back. So here I am, ready to get back to the promoting of myself and others art this week, Also need to get out and spray paint! I have a big announcement coming in another blog in the next few days. Stay tuned, unless of course, you already know whats coming for me in June :) ITS HUGE, not a baby, or an engagement, or a vacation, but huge :)