Paranoia.

Sometimes...I just have to let go of the paranoia. The fear that everyones going to leave me in life. Its been about a year, maybe two that things went from a downhill slide...to an uphill slope. Going from finding friends that are major bad influences, and hanging with people not because I was drawn to their troubles...but to respect and get to know people from kindness. I have to realize that people don't say things to hurt or harm anymore..that real people are not like those fake ones. Realizing that not everyone around is bsing you...and realizing who is, and to give everyone else the benefit of the doubt until you know them. Its hard...to get that mindset, get out of the mindset that everyone is 'to good to be true' and realize that some people...are just good. I have a false belief that everyone is just trying to escape me..that total abandonment is in my future with my friends. Simply because of that large cluster of people that have done so.
I have to be positive...I have to feed myself new omens. I have to not expect everyone to walk away so they don't.

Cupids.

I know I know...another California blog. I guess when a trip provides you with more experience then hanging around your hometown can...its bound to touch your heart 4 to 5 months and the entire lifetime later :).
There's a spot in North Hollywood..off of Victory boulevard. Its sacred. Not just because my Grandmother lived there..or because its in my family history, but its sacred because when you eat one of these hot dogs...they crunch. When you have the chili on them, your mouth will water. There is nothing in the world like a Cupids dog. We ordered an embarassingly large amount of them on my last day and kept them frozen on the way home to enjoy for a while. Also for our relatives and friends who have either never tried them...didn't grasp its importance..or just missed them dearly.
We had a lucky break in 2009. It had probably been 15 to 20 years since I tried the lucky flavor...and I had my ex tote and pack some back when he was down there with a friend of his.
Ill never forget the look on my Moms face. Usually not the most enthusiastic of people....her whole face lit up. Tho we had plans for dinner that night (corned beef and cabbage..it was St Patricks day) she politely said 'alright...I just want to eat one now!' Everyone laughed. My idea brought her joy... and that made me feel unusually good at the time :)
Cupids has been there for years...it used to be a free standing building, now they tore it down and 0put it in a shopping complex.
I got into a long discussions with both the Clerks who were telling me how awful the price of living was there.
It was a hot and sunny day....and tho I could not wait to see my dogs, it was a little somber going home after such an adventurous journey for those 2 weeks.
If you are EVER in SoCal in the area of North Hollywood..stop by for a dog.in the name of those who are so far away they cannot just stop and get one whenever.
I know...this blog sounded like it took a "Grass is always greener" kind of turn. Maybe it did...you can take my advice, or miss out on the best hot dog you have ever had. Your choice ;)
Update in 2015: This location is no longer here, but there is an original location off of Vanowen in Canoga Park you can still visit.

College-eve.

As I lay here, tissues all around me..vics vaporub by my laptop and rubbed all over me and the bottom of my feet (hey, it works)

Paul McCartney and the wings "let em in" playing as I type, and my copy of "Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger laying in front of me..

I realize, this is not quite how i pictured the evening of the night  before I start school to go.

Yesterday, I had the chills for part of the day. Everytime I catch a cold, I run a slight fever. Suddenly everyone at my house fell sick on Friday. We all had something different,  but we all mostly had something.

Im rushing through a math book, wondering why I cannot seem to  get ahead.

Are things EVER what I expect? no. but thats the beauty of life. Not this cold, not the snot..but irony. Irony can be gorgeous...if we knew what life was, we would never be surprised.

Tomorrow ill run into a busy classroom with my pockets stuffed full of jacked tissues, half used by my journey there...half hopefully not even scathed. Luckily, its a fairly highly functioning cold, but mind you..I am up at 6 AM and its almost 1:30...and im still not asleep.

Too busy watching tv, listening to music now, and now..doing the thing that my purpose-driven self is doing whereas to why I am going to school in the first place.

Writing!

:sniff, sniff:
 I can wish this cold away, but id rather wish to pass all my classes on this first and very challenging quarter of college.
So here goes! Good luck, fellow students.

My list of must see movies (will add more later on)

These are movies that ive seen talked about dozens of times, or  that f riends have hounded me to see (or,,,my own interests as well) here it goes in no order.    

1. Man on the moon: story of Andy Kaufman.
 2. One flew over the cucus nest.
3. V for Vendetta  
4. Gone with the wind
5. precious
6. Blues brothers (the first one)
7. Neighbors (with John Belushi)
8. Eat, Pray, Love
9. Extremely loud, and Incredibly close
10. The Great outdoors (with Dan Akroid and John Candy)
11. Silver linings playbook (with Bradley Cooper)

\\list from friends.
1. death becomes her
2. fifth element (seen, but its b een a long time)
3.remember the titans
4. true lies
5.the devil wears prada
6.morning  glory
7. raiders of the lost ark
8.bridesmaids
9. whats your number (those were from jeff, he also included the bf club which ive seen and love)
10. The New guy (submitted by Shayla)
11. White Oleander
12. Clerks
13.memoirs of a  geisha
14. Gone in 60 seconds
15. Buffy
16. Donnie Darko
(heidis list for me, also included corky romano, now and then, which ive seen and also enjoy!)
17.Lincoln (the vampire one)
18.the hobbit
19. Lord of the rings
20. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (all from Alisa)


PLEASE, if you have anything to add...feel free to add it :)